4. Lesbians

Get over yourselves.

3. Gansta Rappers

They run with gangs, they live in the hood, they'll bust a cap in yo ass if you diss their *insert something to diss here*, and they'll bust a rhyme all over yo ass whilst doing it. They are the OG rappers. Original gangsta.

That I have no problem with. But 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg don't live in the hood. They live in a hood. Surrounded by nice cars, swimming pools, plasma TVs, as much money as they can eat. I've seen it on Cribs (unfortunately). They live in horrible opulence, just like every other celebrity.

Yet the famous rappers, who once talked from the streets, somehow continue to talk from the streets, despite no longer having anything to do with their poorer, less famous brethern. They still rap about the hood and gangs and low riders and hoes. But all they have now is the hoes. And you can't rap entirely about them. Though a lot of them seem to be heading that way.

My point, as always, is they're not as hardcore as they pretend to be. Until they lose all their money, cars, and women, and are forced back onto the streets, they cannot produce anything meaningful. End communication.

2. Angry Rockers

When will they learn? It's like they're the most closed-minded people on the planet. Anyone who doesn't like their music is instantly below them and not to be bothered with. And then they complain about being misunderstood, about how nobody likes them, about how they're too altenative.

Well if you tell every second person in the world to fuck off then what do you expect? You get a bad name cos of the attitude you have, not cos of the music you listen to. I listen to rock. I love it, mostly. You've lost me by Children of Bodom or 6 Inches of Blood but anything that doesn't sound like pointless screaming without making an attempt to sing is generally good.

I really don't get it. Is the entire angry thing some kind of statement? Cos if it is, I doubt it effects anything and it just comes across (to me) as mildly annoying. On one hand people=shit, on the other hand angry rockers seem to build a lot on image. Stop caring. That's the only way. Stop caring about the image but work on the attitude so it's less confusing. You're not really gonna freak anyone out these days by wearing black and looking moody. Too many people do it. You'll freak people out by behaving strangely. Unfortunately it's hard to do when you're angry. So stop being angry rockers, just be rockers, and I'll have much more respect.

1. Power Walkers

You see them everywhere. In the city, in the country, down every street and in every field. Power walkers.

I have never understood the lure of this bizarre practice. It's not walking, it's not running, and I'll be surprised if it's any better for you than either of the other two.

As a form of exercise, it may have its merits. But I don't see how it's better than a nice jog or a long (ordinary) walk. In fact there are some serious disadvantages to power walking.

1. It looks silly. Everyone's laughing at you.
2. It's not a real sport. Well it is... But nobody takes it seriously.
3. The equipment is too gay. A lycra body suit shouldn't be required. You're not cyclists or skiers.
4. It makes your arse look hugely prominent.
5. Did I mention it looks RIDICULOUS!?!?!?!?!?

If you want real exercise while walking, try what I do every week. I get off a bus in the centre of Cork city and walk out to where live, which is about two miles maybe. Not so hardcore so far, but wait, it gets better. Do this whilst carrying three bags laden with food, clothes, books, electrical equipment, and a Hallowe'en costume. I've weighed the lot and it amounts to almost twice my own body weight. Attempt to do this in less than half an hour (harder than it sounds, believe me) and without stopping for a rest.

Do this once a week and I guarantee you you'll be fitter than you would from power walking, without any of the hassle of looking stupid. Can you handle the pain? Yes? Now that's hardcore exercise.